


Beyond Repair?

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Angst, Canon, Season/Series 05, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-06-30
Updated: 2005-06-30
Packaged: 2018-12-27 09:38:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12078450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Set after the break-up in 507...angsty at first, but rest assured B and J will have the happy ending they deserve...Slight spoilers, please review!





	Beyond Repair?

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

Well, he’s finally done it…he’s left me, just like I always knew he would…it was only a matter of time, not unexpected at all….so why the hell does it hurt so fucking much?

Maybe because Justin was the one person in my whole shitty life who made it worth living….somehow his love for me proved that I wasn’t the heartless shit everyone thought I was…if someone as amazing as Justin could find something loveable about me, maybe, just maybe, my existence was worthwhile.

I never wanted to fall in love with him….fought so hard against the feelings that crept up inside every time he smiled at me…

You’ve already won me over  
In spite of me  
Don’t be alarmed if I fall head over feet  
Don’t be surprised if I love you  
For all that you are  
I couldn’t help it...it’s all your fault

If only the little shit had left me alone after that first night, or if only I’d succeeded in killing myself the night of my thirtieth birthday….or if only Jack had made Joanie get that abortion…….then I wouldn’t be sitting here feeling as if my very insides have been ripped to shreds and my heart wrecked with a pain no amount of alcohol can dull. 

This is exactly why I never wanted to fall in love…because it hurts…it really fucking hurts! I knew it would tear me apart, yet still I allowed myself to fall in love with this idealistic blonde twink who gave amazing head.

Sure, I love Mikey and Lindsay, but I’m not in love with either of them….and there’s a big difference.

Justin has the power to make me feel like I’m a horny teenager all over again with one flash of that incandescent smile…Justin can get me to juggle and do handstands until four o’clock in the morning…Justin makes me feel more loved and protected and goddamn happy then anyone I have ever known…

But he had to leave me…had to set himself free…I understand, really I do. Respect him for it, even…

Justin deserves someone who will give him everything he wants and more…he doesn’t want some pathetic emotionally stunted fag who’s too busy getting cheap thrills at some trashy gay club to notice the amazing man he has waiting for him at home.

Because that’s what I am….PATHETIC.

I’m a washed up old fag desperately trying to hold onto the last vestiges of my youth. I’m an emotionally fucked up, dysfunctional human being….the product of an emotionally fucked up, dysfunctional childhood that I’m unable to move beyond. I’m an arrogant, stubborn bastard who has just let the best thing that ever happened to me walk out of my life forever.

Forever….

No, No, No!

It wasn’t supposed to end like this….it can’t be over. I won’t let it be over! For once in my fucked up life I’m going to do something right….

No matter how far away  
I will always love you  
No matter how long I stay  
I will always love you  
No matter what words I say  
I will always love you  
I will always love you.......


End file.
